We think it is safe to say, 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. People were experiencing enforced social isolation, depression and anxiety were at an all-time high and more. However, those things don’t just disappear because of a new year. On this T Time, we discuss the importance of seeking professional counseling, knowing when you need to seek counseling and the stigmas behind faith and counseling. 

Transcript

Twanna Henderson: Welcome to T Time Spiritual Conversations For, With and About Women. I’m your host, Twanna Henderson and I want to ask you to be sure to like this podcast and share it with family and friends. Well, we have another amazing guest on today. Our guest for today is Felice Hightower Britt. Felice is a licensed professional counselor, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families to resolve problems that prevent them from having fulfilling and long lasting relationships or from having the life they desire and deserve with extensive training and a proven track record of success with her clients and attain desired outcomes. Felice assists individuals, couples and families with various areas such as communication problems of trust concerns, parenting differences, intimacy problems, and all kinds of things. She has a master’s degree in professional counseling, and also currently hosts her own talk show “Real Talk with Felice”, and as a regular contributor to WBTV in Charlotte, North Carolina. She and I actually serve on a board together, and I’m so excited to have her with us on today. So Felice, welcome to T Time.

Felice: Thank you for having me. I love the name T Time.

Twanna Henderson: Thank you!

Felice: I always wanted my own little tea set. I did and I still do.

Twanna Henderson: Well, I’ll let you play with mine. Well, there is so much that I like to get to on today because I want to really talk about therapy and faith. But I want to start off by first asking you because this is such an interesting feel. What made you go into counseling?

Felice: That’s a really good question. And thank you for asking it. Well, first of all, I never woke up and said that I wanted to be a therapist, I used to always say I wanted to be a teacher. And then for whatever reason people got in my head and said, You can’t make money as a teacher. So I got a degree in economics. And I was in banking. I was in banking for 15 years. And I knew the entire time that I was in banking, that that wasn’t where I was going to wind up. I always felt like a fraud. Like it really wasn’t, it didn’t speak to me. And I didn’t enjoy it. But I had a friend who had went into counseling. And when she started talking to me about it, it just resonated with me. I was like, wow, maybe that’s something I really, really can do. And it just stayed with me and it wouldn’t leave. And when I started to pursue it, the bank actually paid for me to go back. And that’s how you know when God is in the mix, because it just flowed I didn’t have any issues. They paid for my entire master’s program. And from there, right. And from there it flowed and that’s how I actually got into counseling. But I love people. And the reason it resonated with me, Reverend is that I really do love hearing people’s story. And I know that my gift is to encourage. And so I’m a natural encourager. And so part of therapy is not just being an active listener, but encouraging people in their journeys. And being a part of that. And so I love being a part of people’s journeys, and being a part of the process of the change that they want and need for their lives.

Twanna Henderson: Wow, that’s amazing. You know, one of the things that most people don’t realize about me is, I used to growing up, I said, I was going to be a therapist or a psychologist. And, you know, I don’t know where that came from. My mother was a guidance counselor in high school. And so some of that could have come from her. But, you know, for a long time, I said that I was going to be a psychologist. So it’s very interesting. You talk about just the idea of listening to people and helping people and I think, I think for me in terms of ministry, it all comes together. In the same way. We really talk about counseling and, and really talk about our faith. You know, there are biblical scholars who hold that the use of psychotherapy and counseling kind of violates the integrity of the Bible. As a trained counselor who is a Christian, talk to us about the intersection of faith and someone going to counseling.

Felice: So, If you are a Christian, and an African American Christian, for many of us, and I grew up, I grew up in a Pentecostal faith, you know, we believe in laying on hands, anointing, healing. And so we believe, or I grew up believing that you just go to God for everything. But I’m going to be transparent. I am a single, I was a single parent for a very long time, and raised my daughter in church. And when she went off to college, I literally believe that I became depressed. And I, I reached, I reached out to friends. And I said, y’all, I really am struggling. I said, I really think I’m going through some depression. And all my friends are in the church. And they were like, Girl, you are right. You’re fine. It’s like just pray, just pray, you know, pray about it. And I tell you, it wasn’t enough. And don’t get me wrong. I and, and to my fault, and downfall, I did not get help. And we do serve a good God, we do. And I did, I did give it to God. But to my downfall, I didn’t get help. And I needed it. And I so badly wanted to talk to someone, but the intersection between us because of what we grow up with what we believe, you know, and as African Americans, we have gotten through everything, we’ve gotten through what four centuries of slavery, right? And if anybody should have lost their mind, it was us. And we didn’t. So we have a history, right? We have a history of fighting through. And then when you think of psychotherapy, you think of science. And don’t get me wrong, you know, is the Freud’s the Adler, all of those great philosophers and stuff, who kind of go against what people believe is going against God and the Bible, but God said, I will send you counselors. And so one of my gifts, is from God, that I believe I believe this gift to actively listen, because it’s a skill and everybody doesn’t have it. And I probably don’t have it to my family, and friends, you know, because I get tired of listening. You know? When I’m with family and friends I don’t want to listen anymore. But it’s like, I have a gift. And if I don’t believe that it was that I created the gift, but that it came from God, then why would God give me this gift? And why would he say I’ll send you pastors, teachers, counselors, doctors, attorneys, why would he do that, and then not allow me to use that gift, not just for the body, but as a representative of Christ, so that when people see my light, and when they experience my gift, they want to come into the kingdom, right? And so that is where I stand with it is that I have a god given gift to be used. First for the body. So why wouldn’t you be able to come to me and use that gift, and get benefits from that gift. And don’t get me wrong, we’re to help our pastors right and hold up their arms, they can’t do all the counseling for the entire body. He needs people under him, or her holding up their arms, and to be a part of the help to be a part of the ministries of health. And I believe counseling is one of them. And so that’s where I stand with it. And don’t get me wrong I cipher through the science to the pieces that don’t resonate with me, we don’t talk to that. But so many people also want to talk to a counselor, who is a Christian, who can be able to identify with because our faith is near and dear to us. It is our value system. You know, I I you can’t separate me from my faith. And so I’m not talking to someone who can’t identify with the fact that I always go to God in prayer first. You come to me, and you have our faith. I identify with that fact, I identify with the fact that you go to God first. And that there are different aspects about your faith that you need to talk about. And so that’s what I’m here for.

Twanna Henderson: And then you said a lot, I mean, there’s a lot there that we can unpack. And I think that it is true. I mean, we oftentimes we don’t think about how the Bible really speaks to just counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says, “where there’s no counsel the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety.” You also mentioned we have various listeners which I am proud of, but a lot of people don’t recognize how cultural differences make such a difference. And particularly in the African American culture, that is not something historically, that we have embraced in counseling, I think that’s changing. But we haven’t embraced it because, you know, there’s some of us who do say, Oh, you know, I’m not crazy, you know? And then you have those who say, Well, you know, I’ve got to just believe God. And I think as we grow and evolve, we are understanding that, you know, this field is really no different than any other professional field that God sends to us, we have, you know, if we have any health issue, and we go to the doctor, we take what the doctor tells us, if he tells us we need a prescription for something, or whatever, we follow that, and this really, is the same thing in terms of understanding, supporting our mental health. I know we’ve got listeners there who are just sort of trying to figure out, you know, where they fit with this whole thing, what counseling, what are signs that a person needs, therapy.

Felice: So this is what I’m going to say to you don’t necessarily have to have a need to have a therapist, sometimes you just have, we’re that one person that doesn’t necessarily know you personally. But we can listen to you with an unbiased air, right. So sometimes, you may not even be having a mental health issue, but just need to talk to somebody, and just need that somebody to help you with processing things. But for a lot of people, if you’re dealing with a mental health issue, you know, that you might need to see somebody, if you are dealing with extreme sadness, that lasts more than a season. So like, you know, people say the seasonal blues, like when you’re going through seasons, sometimes I know I missed the spring and summertime greatly, I don’t look forward to the, to the cold. So I have a little blues. So they’ll call it a seasonal blues, if it lasts more than two weeks, where you don’t want to do the things that you normally love to do hobbies or interests, or being around friends, or you’re finding it difficult to get out of bed, or you’re finding it difficult to stay positive, or you are lacking in sleep, or you’re sleeping too much. Or if you’re not eating, or you’re eating too much. It’s extremes, right. And if it lasts for more than two weeks, then you probably have some depression. Or if you’re dealing with anxiety, and everybody has some anxiety, because all anxiety is not bad. But if it’s to a level where you feel jittery, and you don’t feel like you’re in control, or you almost feel like you’re having heart palpitations, and things or thoughts are racing through your mind, and you can’t get control of it. If you’re finding that you’re having relationship issues, with for whatever reason you can’t, or you’re not able to form and maintain healthy relationships, and you notice that pattern, you may need to talk to somebody, if you’re having issues in your marriage. You probably need to talk to somebody, if you’re having issues with your children, or you have married into a blended situation. And things are not cohesive, you may need to talk to somebody. So there are so many different reasons or life transitions. Like I went from having a child in my house all the time to where I was an empty nester and I didn’t handle it well. You may need to talk to somebody, or you’ve reached the impasse in your life. And what do I do now I’m at a certain age, I don’t think I accomplished those things that I wanted to accomplish, and it’s affecting me, you may need to talk to somebody, those are just a lot of reasons. Grief. If you’re grieving, or if you’ve gone through some trauma, and you notice that you have a little bit of you get triggered by certain sounds or situations, you may need to talk to someone.

Twanna Henderson: So that’s good. How does someone go about choosing a counselor or a therapist? I mean, because there are so many people out here, just like there’s so many doctors and different things. How do you choose a counselor or a therapist?

Felice: So I would suggest you know, always good word of mouth. You can’t take that away. I know social media and Google ads, Facebook ads, but there’s nothing like a good word of mouth. Talk to people, ask, people, you know, say hey, I’m thinking I need to talk to somebody. I think I need a therapist. Let me tell you something, therapist is the New Black. You always want to therapists in your back pocket. Okay.

Twanna Henderson: I’m trying to get me one.

Felice: So you know, talk to people, first word of mouth, talk to your primary care physician, talk to your doctor, let your doctor know, because a lot of times we have relationships with, with our physicians, and so they can be a referral source for you. Also online. Psychologytoday.com is great, because you put in there, if you want to see an African American doctor, if you want to see a Christian counselor, if you want to see somebody who takes your insurance, if you want to see somebody in your zip code, you can kind of narrow it down to those kind of identifiers and able to find somebody who was specialized, because I know I tell what I specialize in. So it’ll also tell you on there, whatever, you know, whatever your issue is, you can kind of see somebody who might specialize with your particular issue. And that can help. So talking to someone, and getting word of mouth, talking to a primary care physician, going online and doing psychologytoday.com. Sometimes your pastor, like New Beginnings. Y’all are a great resource for therapy and counseling. And so some churches do a really good job of providing that service.

Twanna Henderson: Okay, that’s good. You know, the past 12 months really have been extremely trying for all of us. And for some even overwhelming. Talk about the impact of something like a pandemic, on our own our mental and psychological health.

Felice: So, and I always say Americans, because I think we are so fortunate, and entitled, and privileged. And, and I say that because even without poor support, they have smartphones and androids. You know what I mean? Like, nobody really has to know that you’re in poverty, or that you’re homeless, so we’re very blessed nation. And with that, you know, we kind of coast and then we have COVID, that shows us, life is going to happen and can happen to everyone at the same time. So COVID comes and affects how, you know, how does something like that affect the entire world?

Twanna Henderson: Talk about equalizer. Everybody is on the same level, I don’t care who you are, economically, or socially, or whatever. Everybody has been equalized. everybody’s on the same level.

Felice: Right. It hit everybody didn’t care what socioeconomic status you was, what your race what your agenda was, it affected everyone. And if anything didn’t show us that there are just certain things that we cannot control. How does one wrap their mind around something that you cannot control? And then you’ve got the government, you’ve got things that were shutting down people telling you what you can and cannot do? And then you’ve got this fear, right? You’ve got fear. So you’ve got anxiety, fear, the unknown lack of control all of these things, and then isolation and enforced isolation. Right? And so how do you handle job loss, finances, health. It just was layer on top of layer. How do you wrap your mind around something like that? And so that can be very overwhelming for even a very mentally fit individual, you know, um, and so everybody was affected by COVID in some form or fashion and continues to be so because you know, we thought okay, it’s here, but it’ll go um, it came right on in to 2021. Everyone’s like 2020 was the worst year baba baba blah. Well, how about it came on in and took a seat in 2021. And people are like, when am I going to get a break? When am I going to get a respite? When am I going to be able to freely go back to the way things were? And so people are fatigued? They are tired and exhausted. So yes, something like this is you know, this is a first for for a couple of generations to have seen and experienced something like this that has affected us on so many levels.

Twanna Henderson: Yeah, I know for you know, you talked about enforced isolation. And, you know, there’s a segment that my heart goes out to singles. Because people who are single and who live alone are already alone. And so when you go in, going through a situation where you really are forced to isolate from people, and you’re already isolated from people that can be that can be even that much more challenging. For singles, how would they? How do they navigate through that?

Felice: So one of the things you navigate through is, you got to change your mindset about your singleness, right? Because right now counseling a lot of couples who aren’t faring Well, in this COVID, nothing, they are not. So they probably wish they were in your place and was single. So it’s a mindset. And you’ve got to change the way you look at your singleness. And the fact that this is one of the times, right, and y’all walk with me a little bit, this is a time that you can use your singleness to propel you on the other side of COVID, that you don’t have to necessarily worry about someone else in their health and well being you don’t have to worry about and control. If your husband likes to be, I likes to be social, and he can bring COVID into you, you don’t have to worry about that. You know where you’ve been, and how safe you’ve been. And so you don’t have that concern or worry, you also have the time to really self reflect during this time, and say, Who am I as a child of God. And what does God have for me to do in this time and in this space. And if you were single, I pray that you use this time to your benefit, that you had the time to spend with God, like never before, right? And that you were able to hear from God, and have taken the steps now to do all and don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there done that I can write the book. I understand what it feels like to be single and to think that you don’t have anybody, but it is totally a state of mind. Because at the end of the day, we are all kind of alone, nobody walks in your shoes. Your husband doesn’t walk in your shoes, your friends, don’t walk in your shoes. At the end of the day, even in a room, you’re still alone. It’s an individual journey. And so you have to change your mindset about how you look at your state, this is a beautiful time, and you want to make sure that you look at it properly. Because it all starts with your mind. And if you say in your mind, that woe is me, I’m single, you’re going to feel that. And you’re going to demonstrate that through your behavior. But if you look at this time as a gift, and an opportunity to hear from God in a special way, and to come out on top, when you come out through COVID that a lot of married people may not have had because they had distractions and other concerns that you don’t have. It is your mind. And so that’s how you can get through it.

Twanna Henderson: I think that’s an excellent way to look at that. Because a lot of times I think people don’t think about their particular state and thinking about, okay, God has me in this state for reason, how do I make the best of the season that I’m in? When we talk about counseling, and the effectiveness of it, what are the perspective outcomes from therapy or counseling?

Felice: So you come out of counseling, first of all, being listened to where you have, you almost it’s almost like a clean slate where because you know, sometimes people worry about, well, if I keep going to my friends about this issue, they’ll get tired of hearing it, we’ll never get tired of hearing your story, first of all, because we get paid and I’m just keeping it real. So tell us that story 20 or 30 times, we’ll listen to it over and over and over again. So one of the things is that you have somebody who is there and as a sounding board that will help you to process those thoughts and feelings, and then help you to be able to identify whether or not those thoughts are accurate. And to help you to get back on track and to align your thoughts with your feelings in your actions. Then another thing is that we help you to come up with treatment goals. What is it that you want? We ask you those questions? What do you want? What do you think you want? How do you want to get there? How do I support you in getting there? We hold you accountable. So you’ll have an accountability partner that somebody who’s going to check in and say Hey, how you doing today? With your goals. Were you able to do this were you able to do that? We provide you with skills and tools to handle, write, evasive, and racing thoughts, we give you coping skills, we give you things that you can work on and practice, that will help build your resiliency. So when little things come your way triggers, we help you to identify triggers, so that you can put measures in place so that, you know, when I’m in this situation, these are the things that I need to do, so that I can avoid this trigger. So we help you identify certain things, and then give you the skills and the tools that you need to be able to handle a lot of life circumstances and situations that are that can occur.

Twanna Henderson: Yeah, I think that’s so important because unless we’ve got the tools that we need to be able to, you know, really get to a place of healthiness or wholeness or, you know, a place that God intends for us to be in is it is hard to kind of know, you know, how do I just do this thing? And I think that having those tools are important to be able to navigate through those life things. Do you find that women seek out help more than men?

Felice: Women go to church, men, women serve more than men. Women, I just think it’s a natural thing for women, because we’re so women are dynamic. Um, we really are. And men really need us. Because we’re so our view, our perspectives are so open. And then we got intuition. And then we’re, for the most part, a lot of women are humble. And so they’re able to kind of say, you know, what, I need help, you know, what I want to serve, you know, what I want to love on God. And so we just have this innate ability to see a need, and to go get that need met. And that is strength. That is real strength. And that’s why women, you see more women who do it, because when they’re in a deficit, they don’t like that feeling. So they’re gonna talk to somebody, they’re gonna, they’re gonna reach out. And so yes, more women do come to counseling, but I think it’s an innate thing about us that we don’t like being in a deficit. And but now, I have to say, kudos to the men. And I don’t know if this COVID has really helped men to see that it’s okay to reach out for help. That there’s no stigma or shame in saying that you need help, and really going to a professional to do it. So I am seeing more men. And you’d be surprised, I’m seeing more African American men who are not only coming to counseling, but being advocates. I met Common. And he has a therapist and his he was very, very transparent. He said, I knew I needed therapy. And I got it. And I really, really, you know, I told him, I said, Thank you for saying that. Because men need to know that it’s okay. To get help.

Twanna Henderson: For those of you listening, who may not know who Common is, he’s an actor, a rapper

Felice: An activists,

Twanna Henderson: Activists. And, yeah, and I think when you’ve got people like that, who are well known in their fields, and they say, Hey, you know, this is something that I recognize is important, it does make a difference, because there are women who, you know, who are in marriages that may be challenging, and, you know, they’re gung ho about going and then their husbands are not. And so I think, you know, even for those individuals who may be listening, you know, to know that, you know, to share with your your spouse that, hey, you know, this is something that everybody does. And this is something, we want somebody who can listen to us independently and to be able to help us to get to where we need to get to. So I think that is so important. Do counselors need counselors?

Felice: Yes. Probably even more so. Because we listen to people’s pains. Their traumas repeatedly. So I see on average, anywhere from six to eight people a day. And so if you think about that, and don’t get me wrong, when I said, by the, by the end of the day, I’m pooped. I’m absolutely exhausted. And so I can’t listen to another person. And it’s unfortunate, like I have to really, really reset, replenish so that I have that ability and skill for my loved ones. But, so we need to be able and don’t get me wrong, therapists are still human beings. We still have feelings, fears; You know, COVID hit us too. And so we need somebody to talk to after we’ve listened and helped so many others, we need to replenish and have somebody listen to us. And we’ve got so many things that you know, and especially for people who consider themselves impasse. Can you imagine taking on people’s pains?

Twanna Henderson: Yeah.

Felice: And so you have to, we have to have a skill and get taught the skill of being able to not take it on personally. So that we can be able to meet people tomorrow, and then not. And so burnout is very real for therapists. And so a lot of us will go on many vacations, like every other month, or every quarter, just to kind of replenish, recharge, reset, so that we’re good, and we don’t get burnt out.

Twanna Henderson: Yeah, I mean, people may not realize it, but but you guys really are essential workers. I mean, you are essential workers, particularly in the times that we’re living in right now. Because we are experiencing so much, you know, stress and depression and anxiety and all those different things. And it is so important to have individuals who can walk alongside those things with us and to, to be able to just to encourage us, and to be able to help us to just kind of sort out some of those things that we’re going through. And, and of course, we all know that God is the ultimate healer, but he does use professionals in various vocations. Felice, how can people reach you?

Felice: So thank you for asking. I’m on psychology today. And my practice is called resiliency consultants and therapeutic services. I’m also on Facebook under that, but I’m also on Facebook, under real talk with Felice. So you have two ways to reach me resiliency consultants and therapeutic services, or real talk with Felice and I’m on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, I have a website. RealtalkwithFelice.com, resiliencycts.com and psychology today and you can google me, it’ll pull it up as well.

Twanna Henderson: Okay, Felice Hightower Britt. Well, you have been extremely enlightening and helpful. And I know why they say real talk, because it’s truly real talk with you. And that’s what we need. We need real talk, we really do. There are listeners who are believers, who are trying to determine if they need therapy, if they want therapy or counseling. We’re really trying to reconcile that in their minds. And hopefully, this podcast was able to shed some light on the steps that they need to take. Can you take a moment and just pray for them?

Felice: Yes, thanks. Father, the name of Jesus, we thank you for today. This is the day that you have made, and we will rejoice and be glad on it. Thank you for waking us up this morning to be able to just start a new Father, we give you the glory and the honor and the praise. And Father, I ask you to meet these listeners, everyone who tuned in, ask them to meet them, I ask you to meet them where they are in their need and in their pain. I am asking you to show yourself plain and remove any doubt or fears about whether or not seeking a therapist is for them. Give them a peace that surpasses all understanding Father, in their request for a counselor. Father and I ask because I because I know when we call on you, you answer us and you show us great and mighty things Father, help them to know that your love is agape love and that every need that they have every concern that they have, you want to meet them their father and not only meet them there, but exceed their expectations. So Father I asks you to just continue to be with every listener, watch over them, protect them and guide them especially father I plead the blood of the Lamb over each and every one of them that you keep them safe father, dear Lord. From every this pandemic, epidemic, any illnesses, viruses bacterias out there, Father, that you cover them with the blood of the Lamb. And I just love you We love you and adore you know, we call it done in the mighty name of Jesus. Thank you. Amen.

Twanna Henderson: Amen. RealtalkwithFelice.com Felice, it has been an honor to have you on T Time on today. To all of our listeners. I look forward to connecting with you the next time. Until then be blessed of the Lord.